WildStar: Meet the Mordesh

The WildStar Q&A is a follow-up to the two new races announced at San Diego Comic-Con 2013. This Q&A is with Dr. Victor Lazarin and makes me continue to wish I was in the closed beta!

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Q: Hello, Dr. Lazarin. Thanks for talking with us today. Is this for me?
A: It is.

Q: Oh. What am I supposed to do with it?
A: As it is a liquid, I would recommend you imbibe it.

Q: Hmmm. It has kind of a chalky undertaste. Is this a traditional Mordesh beverage?
A: Not exactly.

Q:  Well, it’s the thought that counts. So you’re a Mordesh. From what I hear, you guys are pretty skilled at alchemy.
A: Indeed.

Q: So you can do things like turn lead into gold?
A: Lead into gold? Laughable.

Q: I know! I can’t believe anyone’s stupid enough to still consider that possible…
A: We mastered such child’s play millennia ago. While the focus of my own labors is somewhat singular, my colleagues keep themselves diverted with decanting corporeity, the liquefaction of algorithmic adjacency, as well as more complex various concoctions far beyond your ability to comprehend.

Q: That’s probably an understatement.  So what’s it like being a space zombie?
A: “Space zombie” is a preposterous pejorative. Statistically we occupy far more time planetside.

Q: What about the zombie part?
A: Do I appear to you an abomination with an appetite for the living?

Q: Well…yes?
A: My proclivities do not run in that vein, I assure you. Any interests I have in removing your skull and applying my attentions to your brain are purely clinical.

Q: Whew! That’s a load off of my mind.  But just to be clear, you guys weren’t always this…hideous and disgusting? If you’ll pardon the expression.
A:  We are no longer quite as majestic as we once were.

Q: So what happened?
A: We were formerly a more visually advantageous race. But although we enjoyed long lifespans, we were fervently fascinated by the figure of death, flagrantly flaunting its finality. My goal was to forever free us from its yoke. To preserve those dear to us who might still be saved.

Q: And your solution?
A: I created the Everlife Elixir.

Q: Which was supposed to grant you eternal life?
A: Your power to perceive the obvious is truly impressive.

Q: Thanks! But it didn’t work out exactly as planned?
A: No. Instead it cursed us with the Contagion.

Q: And turned you all into space zombies?
A: Correct. Of course, it did technically cease the aging process. To that extent my experiment was a success.

Q: I guess there’s a silver lining in everything. Does looking corpselike make it hard to date?  Or do you just wear a lot of extra cologne?
A: The Contagion prevents procreation. I had hopes that the Vitalus Serum would have restored us in this capacity, but it did not.

Q: Vitalus Serum. That’s the blue goo in those segments of your limbs? What exactly does it do?
A: Vitalus moderates the madness and its attendant…appetites.

Q: What happens if you don’t have it?
A: I go mad and aggressively attack the nearest organism. Naturally.

Q: Oh. But interviewers don’t count, right?
A: You are an organism, are you not?

Q: Let’s move on. When your Elixir backfired, the Dominion quarantined your planet Grismara and left the survivors to die. Are you bitter?
A: The serious scientist does not allow sentiment to seep into his study. If a subject is infected, he simply and carefully slices the tumor free from the patient, freeing the rest of the organism from having to suffer its delusions of grandeur in the name of prophetic destiny.

Q: Noted. Thanks for your time, Dr. Lazarin. Good luck with finding your cure.
A: Your attentions are appreciated, as is your assistance.

Q: Thanks. Wait, what?
A: I took the liberty of testing my latest tincture on you.

Q: Uh. When was this?
A: Your beverage.

Q: What did you give me?
A: Assuming my proportions were correct, in moments you will be experiencing pan-dimensional synoptic enhancement, enabling you to simultaneously see in eight spectra and thirty-eight dimensions. I suggest exercising caution, however. The inhabitants can see you as well.

Q:  Ha, you had me going there for a sec – AAARRGGHHH!!!  The HORROR!  I CAN SEE TOO MUCH!!!!
A: Solvent successful.

WildStar: Meet the Chua

The WildStar devs certainly have been doing a stellar job conveying to the player community the sense of humor and fun they’re hoping the game actually delivers on at launch. Here’s the introduction Q&A for the Chua.

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Q: Thanks for finding the time to speak with us today, Mondo Zax. I know you don’t usually do interviews.
A: Don’t like interviews. Questions annoy Mondo. Things die when Mondo gets annoyed.

Q: Good to know. You’re a Chua, right? Tell me about that.
A: Chua best inventors in galaxy. Make stuff to make empire more powerful. Using science!

Q: You Chua are also quite notorious for your… sense of humor?
A: Yes! Chua like making people laugh.

Q: Really? I’ve heard that victims of your pranks suffer a 68% fatality rate.
A: Lies! Fatality rates for pranks NEVER less than 79%!

Q: Didn’t mean to sell you short. Can you give me an example of one of your pranks?
A: Certainly. Reporter asks nosy questions. Mondo straps reporter with explosives. Mondo laughs.

Q: Let’s talk more about you specifically. What was your childhood like?
A: Mondo’s childhood very difficult. Smallest of twelve siblings. Siblings treated Mondo badly.

Q: I see. You weren’t on good terms with them?
A: Excellent terms! Once they were gone…

Q: Right. Rumor has it they all disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
A: “Unexplained.” Not “mysterious.”

Q: Care to comment further?
A: Sure. You remind Mondo of his siblings. Gives Mondo ideas…

Q: Ahem. Moving on. You, um, overcame all these…obstacles…and became renowned for your mechanical ingenuity. And then the Dominion decided to give you a job?
A: Yes! Made Mondo Chief Technologist of DRED.

Q: DRED? What’s that?
A: Hmmm. Mondo could tell you. But much more efficient to kill you and forget you asked question.

Q: Err, that sounds rather extreme…
A: Mondo only kidding! About the forgetting part.

Q: Is DRED, uh, short for something?
A: Dominion Research and Experimentation Division. Top secret. Unlimited funding. Makes deadly technology for empire.

Q: So basically you sit around and dream up new and exciting ways to blow stuff up?
A: Not always. Only some things explode.

Q: What else do you make?
A: Skeletal vaporizers. Defoliant sprinklers. Tank melters. Death beds. Human cannons. Attack-o-lanterns. And many, many more.

Q: Like the Planet Reapers you designed to ravage Arboria?
A: Arboria? Arboria…ah, yes! Planet 45658b. High mineral content. Mildly useful.

Q: Did you feel bad about the populace you dispossessed?
A: Populace?

Q: The Aurin? They lived there.
A: You mean Treegazers? Barely sentient. Extinction best solution.

Q: Some say the Planet Reapers are the most horrifying machines ever invented.
A: Flattery appreciated! But those just prototypes. Working on bigger model. More fuel-efficient. Runs on prisoners of war.

Q: Hm. Well, hope that works out for you. Tragically, looks like we’re out of time. Thanks again for speaking with us, Mondo. Wait…what’s that thing in your hand?
A: Organ Immolator.

Q: Really? Awesome! What does it do?
A: Superheats internal organs of victims.

Q: Hold on…why are you pointing it at me?
A: Field test.

Q: Actually, being subjected to scientific experiments is no longer in my contract…
A: Hold still. Might hurt a bit.

Q: Uh. No, wait…please…ARRRGGGHHHHH! MY PANCREAS! IT BUUURRRNNNSSS!
A: Interviews fun! Can’t wait for next time.

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