The fact that this article needed to be written is part funny, part sad. It’s a shame conventions that attract attendees who often have first-hand experience of being shunned or feeling ostracized from the mainstream can’t treat each other with basic respect. Alyssa Rosenberg has assembled six very basic, much-needed rules of conduct for “Cons” and other similar events where cosplay is featured. She also includes six suggestions to help combat sexual harassment.
It’s time for everyone to stop convention harassment in its tracks. Photo: Flickr/Mikemoi
Last week, Wired explored the phenomenon of convention harassment, and how–particularly in the absence of clearly articulated and enforced guidelines–harassment can become pervasive. Sometimes, these unfortunate incidents are the result of misunderstandings about convention etiquette. The social phenomena of large groups can make it more difficult know what the right ways to behave are in situations like conventions that are dramatically different from our homes and workplaces, or to step in when something happens that doesn’t seem right.
But social science isn’t destiny. So what are the boundaries, and how can attendees make sure that they don’t cross important lines of respect with friends, strangers, and even professionals? Here are six tips to help you avoid crossing the line, and six ways to support your friends if they’re being harassed.
1. Ask permission, not forgiveness–and keep your eyes up: Want to take a picture of a cosplayer? Ask, and ask politely, rather than snapping the picture covertly (these are some great suggestions on good and bad times and ways to approach cosplayers, and what you can and can’t ask for). If they say no, then accept that the answer is no–don’t try to sneak the shot in anyway. Under no circumstances should you take a picture that focuses on a single part of a cosplayer’s–or anyone else’s–body, rather than the whole person. And if you’re posing for a picture, getting something signed, or asking a question at a panel, keep your eyes on the camera, or the face of the person you’re talking to.
2. And think before you ask: There’s nothing wrong with asking challenging questions at a convention, if they’re about content. Asking a cosplayer or artist for a hug, kiss or date, or asking about their bodies as an excuse to leer at them–as happened to artist Mandy Caruso when she was dressed as the Black Cat during an interview–is something different. Those questions are all about you, not about the work that an artist put into their comics or a cosplayer put into their costume. If you want to compliment someone, stick to their creativity and skills, not their looks, no matter how attractive you might find them. After all, it’s insulting for someone who’s put an enormous amount of effort into a costume or a book to have that hard work ignored. And if you find someone less than attractive? Keep it to yourself.
3. Respect everyone else’s space: Harris O’Malley, who runs the geek dating site Paging Dr. Nerdlove, notes that conventions are prone to a couple of levels of space invasion. First, there’s the convention floor, where he advises against lingering around booths. “I’ve seen lots of dudes think that if they hung around long enough chatting awkwardly, the cute comic artist [or] writer of their dreams will accept their love [or] proposition,” he says. Pro tip? That’s a way to make yourself look like a pest, rather than a romantic prospect. If you’re taking a picture with a cosplayer, O’Malley says letting them set the pose, rather than moving in close and using a photo opportunity as a chance to touch the person. This can both produce a better picture, since the cosplay probably knows the best and more dynamic poses for the character, and help you avoid coming across as creepy.
Similarly, there’s the issue of approaching people in spaces where they can’t easily move away if they’re uncomfortable, which was at the heart of the the problem infamous incident where Skepchick founder Rebecca Watson was propositioned in an elevator at the World Atheist Convention. It may be tempting to make a move when you’ve got the opportunity, but consider whether you’re in a situation where the person would feel uncomfortable saying no. If that’s the case, be a gentleman, and pass. This is also part of basic party etiquette, which includes not backing people up against a wall, or into corners. “An easy way to avoid this is to stand next to someone and facing the same direction as them, instead of across from them,” O’Malley suggests. “It’s less intimidating and feels far less predatory.”
4. Be considerate about other people’s time: Three Parts Dead and Two Serpents Rise novelist Max Gladstone says that, as someone who grew up not knowing many other nerds, “I have a perpetual sense of astonishment whenever I run into women who have opinions about Roger Zelazny or the end of Evangelion.” But he points out that when you’re talking to someone who shares your interests, or to an artist you admire, an easy way to come across poorly is to monopolize their time, especially if they seem like they aren’t interested in the conversation. As much as it’s exciting to meet fellow geeks and your nerd idols, remember that you don’t have a right to anyone else’s time and attention, much less a set amount of it. Knowing when your moment is up and exiting gracefully won’t just make you come across better to the people around you. It’ll help you preserve good memories, untainted by awkward endings.
5. Pay attention to the signals other people are sending you: To be fair, it can be hard to know when to bow out of a conversation, especially with someone you don’t know. O’Malley says to follow their eyes and look for sentence length. “If the person you’re talking to is responding enthusiastically, then everything’s great,” he says. “But if you’re getting shorter and more terse answers, doing more talking than listening and they’re either looking around the room or checking their phone or watch, they’re looking for a socially acceptable excuse to leave.”
6. Watch your drinking: It’s easy to feel like a convention that takes you far from home and lets you to hang out with friends or colleagues you only see once in a while is a great place to kick back and have few drinks. But while having one drink to loosen up around people you don’t know may be a pleasant social lubricant, zipping past your limits is a great way to alienate new friends who are just getting to know you (or know you in person) and destroy the positive impression you wanted to create of yourself as a fun person (or promising professional). Especially when you don’t know everyone you’re hanging out with well, alcohol makes it easy to crash through people’s boundaries, O’Malley warns: “A few drinks in and suddenly that line you think is hilarious and harmless is actually really offensive or creepy to everyone else.”
Of course, sexual harassment at conventions doesn’t just affect women (and men) who experience it. If you’re a guy, seeing a woman you care about as a friend, partner, or colleague get harassed, or hearing about it later, can be incredibly upsetting. But here are six great ways to be an ally to the women who you’ll be hanging out with in San Diego, stopping harassment before it happens, disrupting it when it’s underway, and reporting it afterwards, so Comic-Con can be a fun and safe experience for everyone involved.
1. Arm yourself with knowledge: San Diego Comic-Con–which takes the time to make clear how it will screen cosplayers’ weapons–doesn’t currently publicize its sexual harassment policy on its website. But there is a policy, which Wired received from convention representatives:
“Attendees must respect commonsense rules for public behavior, personal interaction, common courtesy, and respect for private property. Harassing or offensive behavior will not be tolerated. Comic-Con reserves the right to revoke, without refund, the membership and pass of any attendee not in compliance with this policy. Persons finding themselves in a situation where they feel their safety is at risk or who become aware of an attendee not in compliance with this policy should immediately locate a member of security or a staff member, so that the matter can be handled in an expeditious manner.”
Also, regardless of the con-specific rules, California state law criminalizes both felony sexual assault and misdemeanor sexual battery. And if someone is at Comic-Con in a professional capacity, the fact that they’re at a convention doesn’t mean you can’t report them to their employer if they sexually harass another Comic-Con attendee, as the writer Elise Matheson decided to do recently after she was harassed at a convention. Knowing the law and your options means you’ll be prepared if you or a friend or colleague is harassed, and want to respond.
2. Let people know you’re on their side before you pick up your badge: Novelist John Scalzi, who recently said he’d no longer accept invitations to appear at conventions that don’t have clear, rigorous, well-promoted and well-enforced harassment policies, says one of the best ways to help other people have good convention experiences is to step up before something goes on. “If you’re going into a situation where your female friend might catch some crap, let her know ahead of time that if she needs you, you have her back,” he suggests. “She can determine what she needs and when, and can be in control of any intervention. This doesn’t mean you have to stand around like a bodyguard, just that you’re ready to help out if she needs you.”
3. If you see something, document something: Once you’re on the convention floor, O’Malley says the one exception to the rule about asking before you take pictures or video is when clear and obvious harassment is going down, and you need to collect evidence that could be useful for convention organizers, law enforcement, or someone’s employer later. Having documentation you can go back to is “easier than relying on a quick impression,” he says. “Plus, in a crowded venue like San Diego Comic-Con, it’s easy to get a case of mistaken identity… People can just fade into the teeming masses. A ‘caught in the act’ photo helps with that.” That doesn’t mean you should take it on yourself to dispense vigilante justice and distribute said photos or videos yourself. A great illustration of how those efforts can go wrong fast was the negative response to Adria Richards’ decision to tweet a photo of two men making jokes she found offensive at the open-source conference PyCon. Also, you also don’t want to humiliate someone who has been just been harassed by broadcasting their harassment for the world to see. So if you catch video or photos of something bad going down, offer it up to the person who was harassed as documentation for a potential report.
4. Don’t be afraid to deflect the situation: Scalzi recommends that if you see a friend or coworker in an uncomfortable situation that you “use your friend privileges for good. There have been times where I’ve seen female friends looking trapped by a dude, where I have gone over and said, ‘excuse me, I need to borrow my friend here for just a moment,’ and then gently extricated her to find out if everything was fine. If it is, no harm done and she can go back to her conversation. If it wasn’t then she can use that moment as an escape route, with me backing her up. Likewise there have been times when I have been talking with a female friend and some dude who has been making her uncomfortable comes up; I’ll tell that guy we’re having a private conversation, and that he should move along. This does mean you have to be willing to be seen as a jerk by this guy, but if this guy is making your friend uncomfortable, then that’s probably not going to be a problem.”
5. Offer yourself up as a sidekick, don’t try to be the superhero: It’s easy to get rage-y, thinking about the prospect of someone you care about being creeped on at a place where they’re supposed to be having a great time. But resist your fantasies of going all Kick-Ass on a harasser. Often, the best, most productive thing you can do is offer to be a sidekick, not a superhero. Listen to your friend while she’s processing her experiences. If she decides to file a report, offer to accompany her while she talks to convention organizers, the cops, or places a call to their harasser’s employer to file a report. Matheson specifically talks about how important it was to have had a friend with her when she reported her harassment. And if your friend has a bad experience talking to convention staff or to anyone else, you can be a valuable witness to that secondary experience. Sure, it means you might miss a screening or a signing. But taking time out to support a friend who’s been harassed is a way to make the convention experience better and safer for everyone in attendance. That’s heroism, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
6. Treat friends you’re meeting at Comic-Con for the first time like they’re your real friends:Gladstone acknowledges that conventions can present special challenges, because they can be meeting places for people who have mostly forged their relationships online. But he says that only increases the obligation to act if someone you care about is being made uncomfortable–or making other people uncomfortable. “Will we stop our ‘friends’ from doing something that they’d regret (as, I assume, we’d do with our real friends)?” he asks. “Will we help our ‘friends’ avoid unwanted attention; will we be there for them as we would for people we’ve known for years?” The answer to both of those questions, obviously, should be yes.
Original Wired Article
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